Someone told me, she could treat you well, sweet but if you're just not with the right one, it just doesnt work out. Cause the feeling aint right. The things to do for love.

you can tell me this
you can tell me that
but dont say you dont remember

Moment of embarrassment. When it all comes rushing back.

Plus Nicole. Thanks for making my working experience in Rubi a really good one. Today was the last day working at Rubi. Both good and bad I say. Till we meet again. Supper soon my bitches.

So here’s come the question of the day. Do you learn how to love or do you instantly love a person? In other words do you always have to spend time with him/her in order to grow feelings for that person, feelings that may look more like appreciation, respect and admire than love or can you love a person for who he/she really is without growing old together. I’m not referring to love at first sight which I don’t think it’s actually possible. And also I think there is an urgent need I make some things clear. For me love and being in love/falling in love are two different things, love is the pure emotion that you can experience when you care about someone enough to sacrifice your own happiness and life. It’s the feeling that makes you smile and think positive, it makes everything looks brighter and , it liberates your soul and makes your eyes shine and speak for themselves. Love is never jealous and selfish. Love is a combination of emotions it includes respect, admire, passion, solicitude, affection, security and trust. Love is easy to be distinguished from lust and passion. Love has to do with care and solicitude while passion and lust have to do with hormones and youth. Pure love talks to people’s hearts and keep them beating and as a guy’s once told me,

Your love keeps my heart beating and it’s beating so fast.

That’s to prove that you’re alive and you can feel things both with your heart and your mind. Love is sensible it may lives in your heart but it doesn’t affect your mind in a bad way, you may be unable to moderate your heart but you can always moderate your mind. Love is a fire that inspires you.

While being in love and falling in love is completely different. Well, in Greek there are two different words for love and being in love. It’s Agape (for love) and Erotas (for being in love). The Greeks have the word for it. Hahaha. It’s not hard to separate those two feelings. To be more specific, you know that you are in love when you can’t control yourself and your actions, when you just can’t stop thinking about a person, when you think that your heart will stop beating and you can’t speak or move every time you look at his/her eyes. In addition to love your soul is not exactly liberate, I would say that it serves an attachment. Falling in love with a person is not always a bad thing but it’s certainly not as magical as love is. When you are in love you don’t care about anything and anyone you do crazy things cause you feel like doing them and you don’t regret doing them either. You want to spend every single minute of your life with that person, not to mention that you have plenty of pent up emotions and your feelings are ruled by instability of human affairs. You instantly miss him/her as soon as they are gone, then you hate them for leaving and in the end you can’t wait to see them again. Falling in love can be fun but it’s quite hard to deal with it when someone’s feelings start to fade away.

And that’s when we all wonder do real feelings fade away? and does love and “being in love” emotions go together?

As an answer to the second question I would say yes love and “being in love” emotions can go together. Especially when you have to do with teens and young people full of life and energy.

I suppose I should now answer the first question too. People claim that feelings do fade away and that time is a good friend. But I say yes time is a good friend and can be a great healer but feelings don’t fade away especially when they are pure and real feelings. Time only helps you forget, it doesn’t help you ruin the feelings you have grown for someone, it does make you forget and make a new beginning if that’s what you want but it doesn’t provide your heart with new feelings stronger than the ones you had so that they would fade away. So if it was to conclude I would say that feelings can’t fade away over one night and furthermore, you may not be able to rule your heart sometimes. Someone’s once told me that feelings are like hugging your heart and your soul. That’s why when you are in love you feel like giving your whole soul to the person you are in love with. Maybe she’s right. I don’t know for sure. Cause sometimes it doesn’t take you to fall in love with someone to be able to give him/her your soul.

So is love a delusion or is it an illusion or neither?

And can love make you delusional?

" For far too long you have been pursing goals where the eventual outcomes are likely to be at odds. "

You were the guy I thought about while listening to all those songs, the guy who made me look forward to waking up in the morning, you were the guy who could make or break me, who had my heart, but never bothered to do anything about it. You've got everything you could ever need, but you don't have me. I wonder if one day you'll end up needing me.

So here's the story.

I truly believe if you work hard, efforts will pay off. In some ways or another. But if you dont even put in the effort, how could you expect me to help you? Besides, who are we. Hi bye friends. I bear grudges, but they dont last long. Leafs on the trees change. People do too.

Okay, guard's up. Wall's up. Time to studehhh like a nerd93.

I am severely discouraged from taking another step to realizing my dreams.

I’m halfway there, hell half my life is already entrenched in it, but I feel that somehow I will be inept to reach my ultimate goal.

But then again maybe I shouldn’t indulge in these thoughts, lest they become a deadly self-fulfilling prophecy.

I feel like a failure sometimes. Giving up halfway. I can never be up to the standards. I should just quit all the shit. Attend every training for what. Or maybe is just you have too much expectations from me. I can never be good enough.

No matter what you do or say, there’s nothing that you can do to make people understand you.
Today I saw how loving someone can bring you down and breakdown. She wanted to cry so badly but the fear of people judging her makes her feeling even worse. Is not like she didnt put in the effort, she sacrifies way too much. For someone that didnt appreciate it. Why are we such selfish creatures. Talking things out never work, end up shouting at each other, screaming. Then the tears. She is feeling lost, but I cant never understand how she felt. I dont know how to find the right words to make her feel better anyw.

If we could all read minds.

Love fails. Disappointment. Crush.

“I wish I could see through your eyes so I would know what you like to see. I wish I knew your wishes, so I could give you everything you want. I wish I dreamed the same dreams you do, and together we could make them come true. I wish I knew what makes you happy, so I could make you the happiest person in the whole world. And lastly, I wish I were a cell in your blood, so I would be sure I was somewhere in your heart.”

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing?
Haven fall sick for a long time. When it does, I feel horrible.

Feels like forever since I have a break. Who am I kidding, I never really had a break like constantly filled up with plans. This few days have been fruitful since saturday. Angela's wedding. For the very first time I been invited to a malay wedding. Food was shiok, pretty bride and hot waiters. Failed studying on sunday, end up playing mono deal before meeting @vhannn and the sisters after 2383761432donkey years. No awkwardness just catch up and really nice to know that you have a friend for 10years? Monday was rather a horrible day for me. Thank God tuesday was slightly better. Bumped into so many people and caught up here and there a little. And tomorrow meeting my sexy bitches for HP.


Is time I stand firm and make my decisions already. What do I really want?

You know what? Yes I have changed. I'm not as nice as I used to be, because I don't want to get used or walked over, I don't trust everyone and tell them my secrets, because behind every fake smile is a backstabbing bitch. I distance myself from people because in the end, they're only going to leave. I have changed because I have realized that im the only person I can depend on.

All in a day. Here comes my monday blues and tuesday purple(s). I will do well for this sem and reward with myself with that bag!

Every single time my phone vibrates i pray its you, and when it is it feels like my stomach is full of millions of butterflies.

Not today, not anymore.

Love is gone.
Thus only, I am still surviving.

Been out with this group of guys over the long holiday. Is amazing how guys like them can be so close and being steady about anything. Maybe is just a guys thing. Girls just bitch all year round, in front, behind you. The smiley face but in my head I killed you over a 1000 times. Sometimes I wish I was a guy, straight forward, no beating around and can stay out late without worrying about getting rape. Then maybe again, I really dont want to serve NS. Identity crisis much huh.
Plans for the whole week:
Tue-Fri -Taken up due to trainings.
Sat -Angela's wedding! + closing shift after that.
Sun -Study like a nerd.

Things to note:
Eat lesser and pay attention in class and not ...

It still have butterflies when I see you. Dont even get me starting. Drop dead tired from school and the best thing is that is only monday. This month gonna be a tough one, I need more sleep and time. We are all so caught up with school. I forgot how to love myself.

Today is the day that I decided to quit the shit. I am so gonna miss my Rubi people. Esp this girl.

This week is prolly my last week before my 'no-lifer' life starts, again. Was thinking the past few night about all sorts of stuff. Love, friends, commitments, karma,my pets and death. If I died in my sleep, what changes there would be, impact on everybody I know. Wouldnt that be scary. I teared a little when I thought of you. But I know I am much stronger than before. This too, shall past. I know I will have a even tougher times ahead for this sem cause I am already dying physically. Plus the world is such a small thing. So many things I have taken for granted. I am still young and learning right? But some things I just dont really give a damn about, indifferent. Women are such emotional and sensitive creatures indeed. Today school was great, actually was the company not really school. I really really dislike my PSPS teacher, back face him through out the lesson. (Y) My bunch of Jack It, Shindy and Sexy totally made my day and I do feel better.

The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have gotten.

What a monday. I could have just died on the spot.