666th post; how do you get up from a all time low?

Miserable at its best now. The boy's friends spending more time with him than me. I been dating projects, been through a week without him. It sucks at least I am trying to get used to it. But fucking hell, not like he is in army already. Is like hot and cold.

Maybe I been expecting way too much. This carries on, I will never be satisfied. 27 more days before my first end sem paper. I will get this shit through.

Apart from school, still school. I barely got a life. They say 2.1 is hell, sure is indeed.

I am not okay with all that is going on right now, but we all have been through it, almost done already. All I can do is really just bear with it and survive this.

One thing that my boyfriend said that I should remember is that I can only rely on myself, it will benefit myself - sooner or later.

And I miss that boy so very much.

Last month of school but barely breathing.

Hopefully, you’ll be able to deal with my mood swings. I’m sorry if I get jealous and if I act childish sometimes. When I say that I’m ok, it means that all I want is a tight hug and somebody to talk to. I don’t want you to just be my boyfriend, I want you to be my best friend, my partner in crime and my shoulder to cry on. I know I am not perfect, I have a lot of flaws, but I promise to love you in every way that I can.

Talking to the moon, trying to get to you.

Fuck all this.

Currently: Eating on cereals + oreos + milk and watching Nine Lives of Chloe King

Stay home fridays and weekends.

Cause just tonight, I just really want to see you. All your attention on me and only me.

You are the one who I can really run to to share all my problems and more problems. You always listen to me and give me your advice.

Thank you for being here with me and for always listening my dear.

& the boy cooked for me and is been some time since he did.

I love you. <3

School on the other hand is fucked up. Tp is fucked up, IFM is fucked up. I am fucked. Then again, no use whining, projects wont magically do themselves. Swallow it done, just do it. Next few weeks done for presentations and more presentations. Swallow it down, suck it up.

Transformer的毛就叫 Transfer， Transformer的任务叫 Transmission， Transformer 的运动叫Transport， Transformer的妹妹叫 Transistor， Transformer的父母叫 Tranparent。

Hit the club for the first time, legally of course, and now I know why people go to clubs to sometimes, forget troubles.

Left kinda early cause me and my boy got squeeze like sardines. Crashed at his place without removing contacts and make up. Dirty but was really tired. He hugged me to sleep, is been so long since he did that. If every night could be like last night, if only.

And I miss that boy already.

Back to school and facing projects and dramas.

I know why you are afraid of 'things falling apart'. Because you've gained so much in the past few years/ months that you don't want to lose it. You find yourself treasuring and appreciating the people around you and you're afraid that they might not feel the same. They might not need you as much as you need them, or one day they just find someone better to replace you. Friendships or relationships.

My dear sexy wrote me this, is like you can read my mind even you are miles apart.

As the philosopher Janet Jackson once said "You dont know what you got till it's gone"' - In a relationship? You love her? She can cook, great in bed, holds your head when you're sad and laughs at all your lame ass jokes? However you can't help but wonder if maybe there might be someone better? Guess what sunshine, there ain't.

-Obnoxiousowl

It feels like everything going to fall apart and is not a good feeling at all.

Sometimes I dont know what to feel anymore.

If I just had 30hours in a day. No, shall not be greedy and ask for 36hours.

I would spend more time with the boyfriend.

I would spend more time on driving lesson to get it asap.

I would spend more time with the bed, catching up on my sleep.

I would spend more time to complete my projects and study for test.

I would spend more time to the facials to maintain my cui face.

Then again, is just a if. Back to reality people, 24hours a day.

Stuck at home the whole day with projects after projects. Fingers getting stiff from all the typing, clicking and rolling of the keyboard and the mouse.

Public speaking > Project Management ( Which was an epic fail cause i couldnt find anything!) > Financial > BCM

Maybe is quite productive, at least started on a few right?

"You know its always going to be like this, all your friendships are like this. Fuck distance, fuck time differences, fuck social networks. We're all going to be strangers again, eventually. In our lives, when people leave, they leave for good. They leave for the rest of the world and they never get the chance to come back because there's no one left to come back to. I'll see you one day, yes you might"

-KeyDough

"I think love is a useless word for descriptions these days. Love binds and pulls and tugs and shatters, breaks and stirs and murders and revives, all at once. Love is a word turned into a full stop in teenagers’ conversations, peppered all over to spice a bowl of bland sentence soup. Love is an excuse for not loving. Love is an inspiration for the most handsome things in the world. Love is a justification for the ugliest things in the world. Love is indefinable, yet has its place in every single dictionary, in probably every single language.

And I won’t be hypocritical; I’m one of these people who exploit the word like breaths of air. It’s almost like a hello and goodbye in every conversation. It’s a “hey Tim, bye Tim, I love you Tim.” kind of thing. Its things you say drunkenly to strangers, or things you say to people you don’t really care about at all. Yet you can wake up one morning, to the most beautiful face you know, and know that this was the one, this was the one for sure, this was the one that makes your heart want to describe colours that don’t exist and the one that makes you want to stop time as you kiss and you lose your head into a blind space.

And all you could offer is the same “I love you” you praised your mom as she packed you pbnj sandwiches for lunch.

I could say I loved you, and be right and wrong all at once. I could say I loved you, and then squeeze in a “but”, but that would be like drawing a bold line in permanent marker across a Mona Lisa painted in gold with rubies and diamonds embedded in the details. I could say I love you. I could mouth it. Write it down. Paint it on paper and etch it on trees. But no. I don’t love you. I will never say it and mean it.

I will show you."

— Nova Halle

Week 11 of school down. In the next few weeks, projects and assignments will be due, more pressure, more conflict, more stress, more hair loss. I am really tired of the girls drama. We all have differences and we are selfish no matter how much we think we are not. He is may be right, about some guys may be more mature then girls. in mentally. Does do we even put aside all those and let it go? Are we able to really forget it when we say we do? We are more likely to say fuck you. I do it too often, not sparing a though for others. And fuck myself for not doing that cause words hurts, esp those that we do not think twice. I am really mentally tired. Is there even such thing as too tired to be able to fall asleep?

Maybe, just maybe I want 2012 to be real. The world is such a cruel place, society is scary and judgmental. What have become of us? Such monsters. Sometimes, I really dont know who is actually not faking mask. Friends is indeed such a vague terms.

Negative thoughts aside because he says that I have too much negative stuff on my mind.

The boy never fail to surprise me. Even mini ones like calling me last minute saying that he us coming to my place for dinner. Yes I do want to always spend my free time with you and not my projects. I always want your attention. But I am trying to balance it all. Too much of something is unhealthy too. My dear, you been great. I am sorry if I have whine too much till it pisses you off and having to affect your mood just to deal with my issues. I guess I have been too insensitive, even after so long. When I say 'believe me, I am trying' I am really trying.

The normal boobs ( . )( . ), the silicone boobs ( + )( + ), the perfect boobs (o)(o) Some boobs are cold (^)(^), and some boobs belong to grandmothers \./\./ And let’s not forget the very large boobs (o Y o), and very small boobs (.)(.), and lastly the asymmetrical boobs (•)(.). We love them all!. Say ┌П┐(◉_◉)┌П┐ to breast cancer. Save the boobies!

“There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.”

One hell of the week. So many work undone. I am dying but hanging on. I can do this. I need constant reminders too.

Let this week be good, just let it be cause the next few weeks are the weeks that I am dreading.

Stay home Saturday equals to doing my assignments tutorials and projects. I feel so accomplish right now.