We can't change the cards we're dealt, just how we play the hand.

This is Halloween, this is Halloween,
pumpkins scream in the dead of night
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene,
trick or treat till the neighbours come and die of fright
It’s our town, everybody scream,
in this town of Halloween

But when life doesn’t go according to plan - when the person you thought was made for you ends up with someone else, when you don’t get your dream job, or when something else lets you down - you have to learn to just let it go. Ultimately, you can’t control everything and gripping tightly to your shattered expectations isn’t going to result in any positive gain. So you learn to move on. You learn that bigger and better things are out there. You keep your chin up and you get back on your feet.

Out of place. I stand nowhere. Fight so hard for nothing. November please be great. New month, new changes and new attitude.

Think about that person. When did you meet them? Was it by chance? How would your life be different if you hadn't have been in that place at that time on that day. Where would you be now? Who would you be? How would you be different? How would you be without them? Would you ever go a day without thinking about them ever again? That one moment, it's your life. Every moment counts.


You are definitely not by chance.

Need I say more?

Halfway through the week with long breaks in between. Sociology today, and happy with it cause I got cindy and serene! Plus cute guy to stare at. This can be a good start. Training was good, serve hell lot of ballszxz, whack all I can, sprint 400m. Frustrations gone, I guess.

Heading back to the same road.

The cutest smile that will take your breath away. He has the ability to make you laugh every time he speaks. And when you look at him, it's hard to turn away.

Indeed.

First day of sem 1.2, here it goes.
I dont like toilet bowls, and dont really want to study how the water plumbing system works or the aircon. Vertical transportation, maybe a little. Lighting, circuit and electricity not my thing, but I think I can get used to all the wiring and switches. Block 33 at engine block like ulu. Sociology for CDS. TBP is one hell of a annoying module after you learn CDS. The dimensions HAVE to be specific and you cant just type in the exact numbers. This semester is going to be a pain in the ass.

" Not a moment has gone by in these past 8 weeks without me thinking of you. Your constantly in my head, I’m constantly thinking what your doing, what your wearing and when I’m going to see you next.

I feel as though I can’t leave my phone anywhere just in case you text me, and I can’t go to bed without having received at least one text from you, checking your alright.

Truth is…I don’t know if it’s love. But I know I feel something very special for you.

I don’t even care if you read this, because I want you too know that it’s completely tearing me apart knowing that you don’t want to be with me.

But I guess I would rather you be in my life being my friend, then you not being in my life at all. I can’t afford to let go of you a second time."

Each time I try to play the good girl
I let myself get in the way
I try so hard to fight the bad girl
But she's here to stay

"Honestly if had the chance with you I'd treat you like the little beauty that you truly are."

Happy 21st birthday, Xavier. Yes you can be the most annoying brother I ever have but you're still my brother. Have a awesome time later!
Brother's big21, but me and my mama seems more excited than he is.

My maid ask me about the haze. She like to refer to it as fog. I explain to her about the burning of forest and Indonesia needs to clear the forest for farming. GEOGRAPHY FTW.

WHY PURPLE TOP:

Tyler Clementi
He was a 19 year old student at Rutgers University.
After his college roommate tweeted “roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into Molly’s room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay.”, he lived-streamed Tyler having sexual relations with his boyfriend.
Tyler threw himself off a bridge after finding out.

Raymond Chase
He was a 19 year old student at Johnson & Wales University in Rhode Island.
He hung himself in his dorm room.
“Raymond Chase was a person who liked Harry Potter and Rugrats and was a member of the popular facebook group “I cant spell “bananas” without singing hollaback girl.

Seth Walsh
Seth Walsh was a thirteen year old middle school student.
He was bullied to the point that he could not bear to live.
“He spent a lot of his life frightened.” It was in person, through the internet, through phonecalls. His peers were relentless. He was perpetually picked on for his mannerisms and his style of dressing, even before he came out as gay.
His mother found him hanging from a tree in their backyard. He spent over a week lingering on life support before he died.

Asher Brown
He was a 13-year-old eighth grader at Hamilton Middle School outside Houston His family says that he was “bullied to death”. Asher was tormented for being small. For his religious beliefs. For the way he dressed. And for being gay. His bullies acted out mock gay sex acts in phys ed class.”His parents repeatedly contacted school officials on his bullying. Nothing was ever done.
He shot himself in the head.

Billy Lucas
He was a 15-year-old freshman at Greensburg High School in Indiana.
“Everyone made fun of him.” Like Asher, his school administration knew but did nothing.
A friend says the bullies would call Billy “gay and tell him to go kill himself.” Homophobic hate messages have been left on his facebook memorial page.

20/10/2010
Wearing a purple top. Cause I believe even gays have right. So what if some guys marry guys, get over it.
I shall count the number of people in purple tops today.

I can only play by ear.

I am pushing people away again...

Fat is the word constantly on my mind.

Irregular meals. Bio clock like all mess up. 4am rolling on the bed, unable to fall asleep. I should start treating myself right. Why waste time on someone who doesnt care. Last week of holiday and I have plans to make myself happy. Even if it doesnt involve you.

Storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free, yeah
You ain't seen nothing like me yet 

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love 

Because I think of you a lot. I always wonder how you’re doing or if you have already eaten your meals or if you’re already awake. In everything I do, you’re always on my mind. I always fight the urge to text you because I’m afraid I won’t get a reply. It would only sadden me. I hope you’re taking care of yourself.

I kind of missed you today. Maybe I should get used to this setting, you know. You, not being around all the time and that you won’t be talking to me every time. I spent my day waiting for a message from you but maybe you’re just tired so I didn’t get any. I hope you’re doing well; I hope you enjoyed your day.

Destroy it all

Baked skin.

Just another week of holiday before the next sem starts again. Still stuck between choices. I dont want to give up on any of it but the drama is making me sick. Young and ignorant, each and everyone. Lost the reflect to resist.

Baby sister's man yue over at my dad's place earlier today. She has pretty eyes. We all seem to be tight on money. Time to save up, eat less, work hard.

Doc's appointment 9in the morning today. He did a ultra scan on my ring finger. I could really see the broken tendon. Is called mallet finger. He even googled for me to see. Splint for another month. Is only been a week!

You question yourself too much, and that causes too many doubts for you.


Tanning today with some hot babes at Sentosa! First time going tanning and actually want my tan line but my back really hurts like crazy now. Plus is red hot. How to wear my shirt and bra tomorrow!? Sun was great tho. Not much hot guys to look at, only hot blonde ang mohs. Tomorrow will be packed too, doctor appointed, touch polite and training. Maybe supper at Botak Jones with Rubi people?


Didnt realise today was the 14. Exactly one year ago...

I hold you sweetly in my head.
And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead.
If I can’t love you as a lover, I will love you as a friend.
And I will lay a bed before you; keep you safe until the end.

Maybe we’re friends, maybe we’re more, maybe it’s just my imagination, but I see you stare just a little too long and it makes me start to wonder. So baby, call me crazy, but I think you feel it too. Maybe I just gotta get next to you.


I cant fight it anymore.

Smile, it looks good on you. Sweet surrender.

Life is ________ now.

But I am only a part timer. All the responsibilities too much to take. Too much to handle. Struggling. You dont know my story. So just keep your thoughts to yourself and shut up.

Limits. Tight on money. Cause these things are just the beginning and might be even worse in the near future.

Disappointment.

MBS then work. Sounds good? Sounds busehhhhhh!

I still find myself staring helplessly at you. If words can kill. Or eyes.

Weekends here already?!

So exhuasted. But my week still not coming to an end yet.

Training camp on thurs full day.
Training again, on fri.
Again, training(s) on sat.
Closing shift on sat and sun.
Full shift on monday. Tue to sat TRAININGS again.

And cycle repeats itself. What have I done to myself huh.

Someone tell me what is life again? Even my mama is enjoying herself more than me. WHAT.IS.THIS.

" They don’t care. They don’t care if I am sweet. They don’t care if I am nice. They don’t care if I am funny. They don’t care if I am caring. They don’t care if I am understanding. They don’t care if I am smart. They don’t care if I am intelligent. They don’t care if I am ambitious. They don’t care if I’ve got dreams. They don’t care if I’ve got plans. They don’t care if I study at a very prestigious university. They don’t care if the program is tough. They don’t care if I’ve got feelings.

They care about my body. They care about my face. They care about the way I look. "

Maybe this aint that bad. Busy all the time. Keeps me occupied.

Actually, we all are somewhat the same.

It's weird, like when you’re in love, all of a sudden you’re hearing all of these love songs for the first time, and it feels like the singer is just talking to you alone, reading your mind. When you’re grieving, it’s the same thing. I’m in tune with all the sadness of the world suddenly. You know, songs find you, poems find you, people find you.

-Eletheowl

Day 3 at krabi was da bomb 'cause kayak 2and a half hours. Not only on the open seas but mangrove swamp and caves. Rowed over 7km and dead crocodile lookalike. Bumped into mangroves roots so many times I wanted to just swim back. Who knew monkeys also lived at mangrove forest. I kinda miss krabi tho.

Work today was seriously horrible. 100 cartons is like open till you ki siao. Cuts, damaged nails. But this time VM is nice. Beautiful shoes, cant wait for voucher to come. So many pairs I like. Morning shift tomorrow again.

Weekends is here but is the time I get busy. This whole week packed with camps and training, not forgetting work. Cant even remember when was the last time I work. What if I forgot how to do pos. &now I have a very awkward finger. It just wont be straight.

The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days.

I needed to know that I meant something, anything to you. But what I got was nothing, absolutely nothing. And it’s funny the things you realize when someone walks away. At first you feel as though it’s your fault. Feeling like nothing, and so close to falling apart. But in time, you come to realize that you did nothing wrong; that it’s his loss, that you are so much better without that one boy who didn’t ever care. You live and you learn, that’s how it is.

Growing apart might just be an inevitable part of growing up. It’s no one’s fault.

Saw an owl while canoeing on the 3rd day of Krabi. Saw it turn its head almost 360. Freaky but cool at the same time.

{o,o}
|)__)
-“-“-

Hello october, september was nasty to me. So please be nice. But judging from the amount of plans I have and all the commitments is killing me slowly. I feel like I am still stuck in the middle. This or that. If I choose this then that.. blah blah blah. Argh, holidays also seem to be ending soon. Monday faster come, cause I think that is my only rest day.