Before you sleep

It won't reflect well on me, I know.

Those three words, what's the point just keeps hovering around my head. I keep telling myself what's the point. I just can't seem to let it go. I just can't let go. But no, I ain't gonna cry myself to sleep knowing that you won't feel anything. You are not the one who got hurt in the end. I hurt more. I love you more. You protected yourself more. All the lies you told me just to make yourself look good. To paint me a good impression that you wanted to protect me, protect me from getting hurt. Whatever you did was just a smokescreen, to cover up your guilty conscience.

Too many questions in my head.
Too many questions which I do not have the answers.
I want answers so badly but I know that there is no point in asking cause you were long gone. It would break my heart even more. I really did believed you, trusted you.

How I can hate and love you at the same time. Call me immature, call me naive.
How could you sleep peacefully knowing you broken my heart?

Why how why how why how why how