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Been a long afternoon and night. Could even any food without visiting the toilet after that. Even till now. Had a pie and straight away chiong to the toilet. I dont even dare to eat anything right now. Muscle aching from today's training. I lose hope sometimes, but this time maybe is time for me to fight for the position I guess? But I tried, is not like I dont put in effort. Perhaps the effort I put in is not enough. Cant play for nuts. Born this way huh. Damn it, I need to breathe. Things will be okay. It has to be.